NateTallman

Cognizant Reckoning

2008-05-13 @ 01:26pm, Personal, Nate Tallman, Comments (1)

Mercy is not a gift I have been known for. On the contrary, I can be quite harsh and brash. This black-and-white, dogmatic, “I’m right; You’re wrong” mentality has proven me guilty of hunting for specks of sawdust despite my own grave shortcomings on several occasions. I’ve crucified people I called my friends and irreparably damaged relationships. The stench of arrogance and disdain wafted heavily towards any thoughtful observer. My hypocrisy was unchallenged for years.

The first twenty years of my life were, spiritually speaking, unremarkable. Nothing to be seen here. Even though I had grown up in “church” (or some feeble mockery of it) and “walked the aisle” at the tender age of 8 years old, there was absolutely no evidence of true life. I was great at fooling people (or maybe no one just spoke up). My peers looked to me as a great role model and my mentors and teachers looked to me as a shining example of a great church-ed product. How sad the condition of my heart though! In the busy-ness of my work (a product of my pride), I never let slip just how peccant and decrepit I was.

But 2004 was the year when all of that changed. Beginning with some painful yet refreshing events, God began His work of consuming and transforming my heart. There was most definitely a dramatic (and yes, overnight!) change in my life. My life as a person saved by grace (after all, no earthly power could turn me from depravity to light) had begun. For the next three and a half years, I grew in rectitude and maturity (though some might doubt ).

So here we are in May of 2008. I’m married (an incredible and incredibly enlightening experience to say the least), no longer in school or of school age, and at the beginning of what you might call “real life”. I say all of that to say this, although my life was transformed almost four years ago, I’m still (and will always be) developing. My mercy (or lack thereof) is undergoing somewhat of a construction phase, and I find that my heart increasingly pangs when I encounter suffering, lostness, or a searching soul. Now more than ever, a great urgency is working deep inside. Firstly, and most importantly, my love for Jesus and the desire to obey Him, and secondly, the thought of a world full of 6.6+ billion people, most of whom don’t know know true peace and love that only comes through Jesus are the fuel feeding this burning in my soul.

For the last several months, and even more in the past month or so, my heart has been heavy. I don’t know what it means or where it leads, but I do know that I’ve felt this kind of burden before (preceding my move from Cookeville back to Murfreesboro, both times I was led to Asia, the start of my relationship with Lacy (now my wonderful wife), etc). Lacy and I are young, (relatively) free, and energetic to be slaves to Jesus Christ.

As I said before, I don’t know where this leads, but if anyone is still reading this, I would ask a favor of you. If you have a relationship with Jesus, I ask that you just pray. Pray for us; pray for yourself; pray for harvest. If you don’t have a relationship with Jesus, then I ask you to call or email me (615-397-0339 or ).

Colossians 4:2,3 Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving; praying at the same time for us as well, that God will open up to us a door for the word, so that we may speak forth the mystery of Christ, for which I have also been imprisoned;

John 4:35 “Do you not say, ‘There are yet four months, and then comes the harvest’? Behold, I say to you, lift up your eyes and look on the fields, that they are white for harvest.”